Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Last One For A While

Alright kiddos, I'm leaving tomorrow, so start preparing yourselves now for my absence.

Here are some great tidbits of history, taken from a smattering of the days I'm going to be gone (so you don't miss the good stuff):

Soapy Smith was shot on July 8, 1898, releasing Skagway, Alaska from his iron grip. Soapy was a con man and a gangster back in the day. I know, I know, "Soapy" is not the most intimidating nickname. Apparently for 20 years he would sell bars of soap. The crowd thought there was money inside the wrapping of some of the bars. His gang of fiendish soapy accomplices would be in the crowd, buy a bar or two of soap, and then loudly proclaim to have won something. Of course, they had produced whatever they "won". Twenty years folks. This guy ran the first infomercial for twenty years.

Wait, it gets better. In Skagway he set up a telegraph office in 1897. Telegraph lines didn't even reach Skagway until 1901. You do the math.

Also on July 8, but in 1932, the Dow Jones hit the lowest level of the Great Depression, bottoming out at 41.22. Good thing we've come a long way since that relative level of crappy economics.

On Jul 10, 988 AD, the city of Dublin is founded. Within 12 minutes Guinness was invented for the celebration.

On July 12, any year, not too much happened. It has a record low number of events recorded as taking place on that day in history (21). I'm used to 70+ events for a given day. So when July 12 rolls around, do something big and important, knowing that you just made it a more striking day than most people ever, anywhere, at any point in history.

Nevermind, do that on July 13th. They only had a whopping 16 events. However, one of those 16 was the completion of the Hollywoodland sign in Los Angeles, in 1923. The last four letters were dropped in 1949 when it was renovated. They were then sold to Joseph Shmoe, for $82.50. Joe promptly erected them in his backyard, just under giant letters reading "UFOs" and over giant letters reading "HERE". Oddly enough, he has not been heard from since...

Holy cow! Only 23 events on July 14th! Apparently if you do something big and important in July, you're most likely outdoing history. What a boring month! It's a good thing I'm taking off on vacation, because I obviously wouldn't have enough material on a daily basis if I stuck around!

That's it. I'm stopping this madness. No point in looking over another dozen events for the days I'll be gone. Instead, how about I give you some good things to do during the time that you normally would have reserved for my blog? Similar to the post from a few days ago, when I gave you a few websites that I found intriguing/funny, only better...

YouTube Greats:
Pachelbel Rant (careful, the last fifteen seconds or so he launches into some pg-13 language)
PES Fireworks (I have no idea what PES is, but this is short and neat)
Evian Roller Babies (I knew this one was gold after 5 seconds)
Amazing Japanese...um...Something (I did this exact same thing as a kid, only without the Japanese interludes, which roughly translated mean "This product was not made in Taiwan")
Cats (Not the musical. I'm usually against those thousands of cat and dog videos, but when I saw the cat hanging on for dear life to a ceiling fan IN MOTION, well, this video won me over)
Fun prank, but it's WAY too complex for me to ever actually do
Funny kid with stage fright...he looks like he's about to hurl...
Wow. I just don't know what to say. I will say this though, after about a minute or so, there are some crude references and a big bad swear word drops out of nowhere toward the end. Consider yourself forewarned. But the first minute is good clean fun and you'll probably laugh harder than you ever have before...
One of those contagiously funny moments The sad thing is that I don't think this was staged. Some foreign talk show about a very serious subject (no idea what the subject was, my language skills are not that finely tuned) and the host can't stop laughing at this one guy's voice.
The most outdoorsy guy ever I think actually, that if I were stuck on a deserted island with this guy, I'd vote myself off.
Charlie the Unicorn (no explanation needed)
The best fight scene ever, hands-down. Imagine a protagonist that is a combination of the following: Cheech Marin's looks, The Simpsons Abu, Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Chuck Norris, and Richard Simmons. Oh, and don't forget Awesome. Mix some Awesome in there too.

Save those for special occasions, string it out, make 'em last. 'Cuz this is all you get for about two weeks.

Pictures:
Soapy Smith
Ireland's "Health" Drink

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